I went around my house bolting all of my doors, which I’d already added locks to as a precaution, checking that every window and door was secure and even blockading my bedroom door.. I couldn’t believe it had come to this… feeling so scared in my own home.
My new home had become my safe house, it was my little haven of tranquility when I needed to escape the outside world and the tumultuous year I have had.. but this week my privacy was invaded.
My new place, my sanctuary, has now become, a place where I fear being watched, being targeted and I do not feel safe here.
All because somebody decided to follow me home and post a malicious letter.
I know I shouldn’t talk about being “trolled”, “bullied” or “harassed” because it potentially “fans the flame” but enough is enough.
I won’t “just ignore it” anymore because it’s gone too far. I don’t know who did this but I am sure the police will find out.
But the fact is I get bullied or trolled online on a daily basis. I can mostly ignore it but sometimes it does get to me. When the messages creep in, invading your sleep, your privacy and your daily life. Yes, I share a lot of my life online but not everything. Nobody knows what it feels like to be me. You don’t know how someone is feeling when you ‘click send’ so stop and think before assuming that people who work online are just “fair game.”
I have been through one of the worst summers of my life (and those who are close to me, know the whole truth). So whilst you may get a snapshot and feel jealous of someone posting a selfie or a curated picture… REMEMBER we are all human beings with our own issues, our own battles and we are more similar than you think. Granted, I would never go around purposefully being mean and hateful towards people… but we are all humans anyway.
And this abuse has now attacked me in “real life.” So whilst I won’t spend long reading your hateful comments or I may not even see them… I admit that this week they hurt me and the police have the evidence.
Anyway, here are a few answers to your theories/queries/hateful comments…
I AM NOT AFTER “YOUR MAN”
I have had a horrendous year and I have not got the energy to chase anyone’s “man” and just because you think I am single… does not mean that I want your man. And I hate the term “my man” or “your man” or “woman”… as I never wish to possess or control any man or woman.
“BE MORE MUMSY”
Thanks to the trolls for this one, it is laughable. I think I am going to start a hashtag #bemoremumsy – it’s catchy. I may not look or act how you think a “mum” should… but I am a mum (believe me I remember) and I will not try to be more mumsy just to make you feel better about yourself. I am finally free from being controlled so I wear what I want, I love the gym, I work hard, I socialise and, I love dancing and dressing up… but that does not make me any less of a mum. And Yes I cook, clean and I love looking after people… but that is all irrelevant I am perfectly imperfect and I WILL NOT dress or “look” a certain way just to fit some stereotype you think I should. So sorry no polo necks and flowery skirts for me… just because they don’t suit me or my figure (I don’t care what anyone wears or doesn’t wear… Live and let live!)
“STOP GOING ON ABOUT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH”
I love keeping fit and I love keeping sane. I have to train my brain as much as my body, and I think it is important we talk about physical health as much as mental health. So if you don’t want to hear me talk… stop watching or reading my content if it annoys you so much. But thanks if you do it gives me a boost (and my income!).
“You think you’re all that… just because you’re a skinny bitch, now you’ve lost weight.”
If you actually know me you know that my weight/size/body shape… is not a reflection on who I am as a person. I have the biggest smile despite the hate… and I love my big hips whether they have meat on them or not.
But really… it’s not about me at all is it? It’s a reflection on how you feel about yourself. So I am sorry you are so insecure, genuinely I am, please get some help. Surround yourself with positive people like I do because they will make you radiate positivity rather than reel in negativity.
“YOU SLAG. PUT YOUR BOOBS AWAY.”
After years of hating my body and having an awful eating disorder, I am finally learning to love my body and I love my boobs, my smile and my stomach.. so I show what I want because it is my body.
Try and learn to love parts of yourself tooand be happy for others who feel confident in their own skin because it’s a great place to be. We all have our down days so spend your time lifting one another up as it’s too easy to pull people down.
“I NOW NO WHERE YOU LIVE, BITCH.”
I assumed that much by your frightening letter. But I have CCTV, I have a good network of people around me keeping an eye out, I have a partner and most of all I have my children to focus my energy on.
So please… whilst I wish you well and all the other trolls/bullies/stalkers… and I hope you all get help… at the same time mine and my children’s safety is paramount so the police are investigating and you will be caught. So please… leave me alone. Please focus your time on some self-care (counselling/gym/spa/hobbies/work), I think it will do you the world of good and it is a much better use of your time than watching me and my life. Plus, you will waste even more time when you are found to be breaking the law. So use your time wisely. I’m not being sarcastic either, I wish you well, I feel sorry that you are going through a difficult time but please leave me, my home and my family alone.
And now I realise how many people I have to protect me…. my home is my safe space again. So thank you so much to all the incredible people who have my back it’s truly appreciated. There is definitely more good in this world than bad.